‘Jokes’
“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating …and you finish off as an orgasm.”
– George Carlin
Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole.
“Wow…that looks deep.”
“Sure does… toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is.”
They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait… no noise.
Hello, is this the Police?”
“Yes. What do you want?”
“I’m calling to report about my neighbor Billy Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”
Read the rest of this entry »
A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
Giving Christmas presents to your kids is just like a day in the office. You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
“People are making apocalypse Jokes like there’s no tomorrow.”