‘Jokes’
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity . I can’t put it down.
I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. Read the rest of this entry »
When you believe in Angels…
you have friends in high places.
One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his.
Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, “Tonight, I’m the Designated Decoy.”
The Secret To Happiness Is A Good Sense Of Humor And A Bad Memory
Grammar – it’s the difference between knowing your shit & knowing you’re shit.
After a long and arduous struggle, a man joins a Tibetan Monastery which has a 5 year vow of silence. After 5 years, you are only allowed two words.
The first 5 years passes. The student monk sits before the head monk and says, “hard bed”.
Another 5 years passes.
The student monk comes before the head monk and says, “food bad”.
A further 5 years passes.
The student monk once again presents to the head monk and says, “I quit”.
The head monk considers this for a moment, then replies: “I’m not surprised. All you’ve been doing is complaining since you got here”.
Relationships are like yardsales,they look interesting from a distance but once your in one its just a bunch of s**t you don’t need
– Maryyy
During an auction of exotic pets, a woman who had placed a winning bid told the auctioneer, “I’m paying a fortune for that parrot. I hope he talks as well as you say he does.”
“I guarantee it, madam,” replied the auctioneer. “Who do you think was bidding against you?”